i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
