A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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