drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
