I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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