Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
