im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
