these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
