I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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