My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
