enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
