I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it's like iHOP with fire
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
