Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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