she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
