I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mom said you looked used
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
