the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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