Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Blood and glitter go together right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize