Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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