Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i believe in u and ur pee
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize