we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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