Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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