I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
