I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
