I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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