Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize