Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
