So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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