Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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