Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
