11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
