New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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