Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm passing your future prison.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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