i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
