That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
