If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
