you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
