judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
