worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
