Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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