even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
