we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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