this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize