As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
