He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize