ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

  Fav 7 2738 757

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

  Fav 12 988 4017

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (434): View more from Virginia

  he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him

  Fav 63 1791 4045

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

  Fav 36 2943 5634

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.

  Fav 23 4903 1657

  share tweet
  

• (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

  Fav 14 4758 1591

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned

  Fav 3 3642 1167

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

  Fav 2 1002 2585

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

  Fav 7 2836 1152

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.

  Fav 10 1270 667

  share tweet
  

• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

  Fav 3 691 593

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  & I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley

  Fav 2 723 587

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours

  Fav 5 557 679

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.

  Fav 0 20 38

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.

  Fav 0 44 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize