her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize