know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
