This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize