I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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