fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
