just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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