i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
