I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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