he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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