so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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