i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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