my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
