I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
