Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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