I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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