someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
