i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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