I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
