Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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