Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
