You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
