I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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