put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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