I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
