Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize