I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
