It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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