I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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