Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
