great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize