It's Friday. Sex?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
