I smell stomach acid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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