literally had 100 drinks last night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize