We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
