He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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