I'm gonna have a badass scar
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
