Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
