It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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