I faked an abortion last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
