I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
