Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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