I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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