the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
two words...techno handjob
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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