I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
