i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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