i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
