He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
