One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Panties = found
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