I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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