I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
