Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
