I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize