you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize