I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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