After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
