Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
