At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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